Starting over


It’s been quite a while since my last post.

Life flows in mysterious ways. I left this blog with no explanation – but it was not an intentional move.

In short, I suddenly fell seriously ill and couldn’t continue writing any longer. It was difficult to just let it all fade away – especially since it had taken me about 5 years to even gather enough courage to start the blog in the first place. But there was nothing to be done as my health has just been that bad. I have a hard time talking about it because visually, there appears to be nothing wrong with me and a lot of people just won’t understand. But it’s currently a big struggle for me to get through the days. Without going into too much detail, it started with an infection I got at my job which caused a multitude of difficult autoimmune symptoms and left me severely fatigued to this day. I’m still not okay, and it’s taken a huge toll on my (already fragile) mental health as well. There are days when I simply can’t get out of bed, so I have to be very careful what I do with the energy that I do have. Makeup, unfortunately, hasn’t been on the menu very often because of that.

It’s an especially hard-to-deal-with situation because being creative was a big part of my personality, and by not being able to do anything but stare into the wall for days on end, I started losing myself. Not knowing who you are and only identifying with your illness is something I don’t wish upon anyone.

A lof of people have told me they miss my blog, which is very bitter-sweet to hear. But I started taking new meds recently which seem to be working somewhat, meaning I at least have enough energy to stay awake during the day. I still have to suffer through near daily headaches and other localized pains, but it’s the best I’m capable of functioning at the moment and that has to be enough for now. Makeup has been a difficult topic as well – I have honestly felt too ugly to put anything on even when I have enough energy to do so.

I don’t want to close this blog down. I have been thinking of starting to blog again – but without any added pressure of the number of posts I’m supposed to put out in a week. I’d like to post occasionally to keep my mind busy, and to stop fearing the process. If I can come up with something I will, otherwise I won’t. I won’t beat myself up if I’m not able to post anything for months. I need to see this as a relaxing hobby, and as a way to find myself again.

Finally, I’d like to thank anyone who still follows me – I was surprised my blog still had hits when I came back.

Thank you for reading! 😊